On Finding Love: Kim and Adam
When you were single, what was dating like for you? Did you have any hesitations or challenges in dating specifically related to having Morquio? How did you navigate these challenges?
For me, at first dating was a challenge because I didn’t put myself out there. I was still living at home with my parents and hadn’t pushed myself to want more or even get my driver’s license.
When I was 24, back in October of 2003, I went to Walmart with my Mom one day. I was standing up in a shopping cart with my mom pushing it, because that was easier for her than pulling on a wheelchair and easier on my body to keep up in a big store. As we were going through the checkout, the person who rang us up and I had a friendly conversation. As we made it to the doors to leave, he came up and gave me his cell number, and he ended up becoming my first boyfriend. We dated for only 3 months. But it opened my eyes that I could be loved by a man.
The broken heart I felt from that first love was enough to push me to want more for myself. I ended up getting a job at Rite Aid and got my driver’s license, and working opened the door to meet others. I eventually moved out of my parents’ house and rented my first apartment.
I had a few boyfriends here and there, but looking back on it, they didn’t care for me in the way that I deserved. They only wanted to spend time with me behind closed doors and didn’t really take me on dates.
How did you and Adam meet, and what led you to begin dating?
Adam and I met when I was almost 30 years old. I truly was having a hard time in life during that season: all the goals I had set for myself when I was younger hit me at once. I had it in my mind that I wanted to be married and have a family by 30. It hit hard that it wasn’t going to happen and I told myself probably never would. I was different and others just couldn’t seem to get to know me for me and see past my height.
I had made a few accounts on a few dating sites when I was 27 or 28. Once I hit 30, I truly learned to love myself. Around that time, my older sister Susan moved into her own house and wanted me to move in with her, so I did. I had stopped stressing over finding love. Three months after moving in with my sister, I received a message on the dating app Plenty of Fish from Adam that was tasteful, and I decided to say hello back. We sent messages back and forth for a few weeks and then exchanged cell phone numbers and talked on the phone for the first time on August 23, 2009. He asked me on a date to the movies. I drove and met him at the movies, and we saw “The Time Traveler’s Wife.” We ended up seeing each other three times that week. He took me on dates and didn’t care if people looked at me/us. Four months into our relationship, he went skiing with a buddy of his from the Navy, and he broke his arm and needed surgery and help taking care of himself. He came to stay with my sister and me for a month and I had to help take care of him. It was more at that point that I KNEW I loved him.
Did Morquio have an impact on your relationship while you were dating?
For Adam and I, Morquio didn’t have a negative effect in our relationship other than the looks and stares we got from other people.
When did you fall in love with each other, and how did you know you wanted to get married?
We both fell in love early on in our relationship. We decided to move in together nine months after we started dating. Two years into our relationship, we talked about marriage, and Adam proposed to me on Christmas Day of 2011. We got married February 23, 2013 in St. Maarten.
Since you have been married, what challenges have you faced as a couple related to Morquio, and how do you deal with these challenges together?
The biggest challenge that we faced as a married couple has been me wanting to become a mom and getting pregnant. Adam had made it clear before we went on our first date that he really didn’t want any more kids. (He had three kids already from two different marriages that didn’t last.) There was and is little information out there for women with Morquio and the risk of carrying and delivering a baby. Adam loved me and was scared that I would die if I got pregnant. We had to talk about our thoughts and fears as a couple and as individuals. Eventually we did decide to have a child together – and now our daughter Aubree is 7!
What personality traits or character qualities do you each have that are important to making your relationship work?
Adam has a big heart and sees others for who they are on the inside. He doesn’t care what others have to say and follows his heart. But yet he is quiet and doesn’t like to argue or yell.
I have a strong personality and don’t have a problem telling others what I think when it’s needed. I love to talk. I don’t let what others say I can’t or shouldn’t do stop me from doing the things I want to.
Do you have any dating or marriage advice for others related to what you’ve learned from your own journey as a couple?
My dating advice would be NEVER try to do things just to have another person like you. Don’t put up with things that you know in your heart aren’t healthy. Understand what you truly deserve from someone.
You are more than just another notch in a person’s belt.
My marriage advice is just always communicate and hear and try to understand the other person’s feelings. Never have a mindset that a relationship is 50/50. A relationship is 100/100 – each person needs to and should put in 100% from themselves.